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The Newest Horrors

November 26, 2011

Now that I’ve got time, I’m determined to visit all the garden centres I can get to… and in the first one, I already discovered several horrible things.

I think we’re all gotten used to the blue and/or sparkly poinsettias and orchids (OK, I haven’t seen sparkly orchids yet, and I’m quite happy that way! I don’t want to see any!), so those didn’t shock me any more. I didn’t see any dyed Anthuriums or Kalanchoes, either.

But Bellaflora has…

… purple and sparkly…

Guzmanias:

They have spray-painted Echeverias (still not sure about the ID, but the sign did say “Echeveria“, at least) pretty much constantly now… but now they have new colours.

At the end of that last post on them, I wrote, ” guess I should be grateful they don’t sparkle… yet.”

Guess what?

Shiny gold and silver.

How very holiday-like.

And just when I thought I had seen all the vile things in the store, I spotted another patch of unnatural colour.

Not even attempt at an ID, I’m bad with succulents in general, and cacti in particular, but… ugh. Just, ugh.

I didn’t look too closely at the tags, so I don’t quite know what they mean by them, but they all have an Euro bill on it, in a matching colour. Are you supposed to give the plant away as a gift, along with that much money? Or are they promising you that you’ll win that much money if you buy the plant? I wouldn’t put it past them – there was one other kind of cactus that had a tag claiming it was a magic cactus and would make your dreams come true (at least I think so it was in Spanish. Why? How many Austrians know Spanish?) I spent rather a lot of time staring at these, wondering how they’d managed to dye only the … uh… hairy things (can you tell I don’t know a damn thing about cacti, other than that it hurts if you accidentally smack them with your hand?), and not the rest of the plant, but maybe if you spray-paint them and then rinse them off… disgusting, in any case.

(ETA: If I zoom in on the picture, I can read the tags. They say, “Fortune Cactus. This cactus m[aximises?] the best of all quality’s [sic]. SUCCESS, PROSPERITY AND WELL-BEING.” (Except without the punctuation. Who needs punctuation when you have line breaks?))

I really, really, really do not like this fashion of dyeing plants. Can we please stop already?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 26, 2011 15:41

    Jesus. I give up on people.

  2. November 28, 2011 03:08

    It’s funny how a company who’s name means “Pretty Flower” can make such hideously artificial and ugly crap.

    • November 29, 2011 00:27

      Well, they don’t actually make them, just sell them, but there’s definitely nothing “bella” about it.

  3. November 30, 2011 00:59

    We live in sad times.

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