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Story-Scribbling Sunday – August 8, 2013: Rediscovering the Excitement

September 8, 2013

I have been feeling kind of discouraged about my writing lately, for a lot of reasons.

  • I never have the self-discipline to finish anything. I have so many first drafts that are so close to the end, but I never get there, and let’s not even talk about editing.
  • I’m stuck writing about the Kivailo world again and again, and I feel like nobody is ever going to want to read about this weird thing that is neither the real world nor a proper fantasy world, just a mish-mash of real and made-up countries…
  • I have no interest whatsoever in finishing the stories that I think people might want to read. I mean, ultimately I write because I just can’t help it, because story ideas just pop up in my head and insist on being explored and written, but sometimes I think it would be nice if I could share them with other people. Sometimes I idly dream of being published. I don’t really think the Kivailo world stories would have much chance, but The Midget Knight and The Knight with the Red Umbrella might… but I just don’t want to get back to writing them.
  • I feel like my plots are unoriginal and boring and nobody would even want to read them even if I managed to finish something, and even if they weren’t set in the weird Kivailo world.

All this has been going on for months now. I had been sort of hoping that getting to meet my favourite author would be inspiring, but once the “ohymygodthiswassocool!!!” had worn off, and I could think about writing again, I just felt even more discouraged about my writing, when I compared things Tad writes to my own scribblings… knowing that no matter how hard I try, I will never be that good…

But it’s only been recently that I managed to put my feelings into clear words. I usually find it easier to overcome problems once I have clearly defined them, so I hope that this works this time, too. Now that I know what the problems are, I can work on overcoming them. I can work on my self-discipline. I’m still not doing it, still letting all sorts of other things pull my attention in half a different directions at once (as evidenced by the fact that I am blogging instead of working on First Fridays), but I could.

My plots… I don’t really know what to do about those. But I can keep trying. And I will. Giving up is not an option.

The Kivailo world… I will never be able to fully leave that one. I’m toying with the idea of finishing Masks, and posting it online somewhere (which would be appropriate, since it’s a story told in blog form, and it would be impossible to publish anyway, weird Kivailo world aside, because it’s so full of book and movie quotes and song lyrics) just to see if anyone cares to read it. But that, again, would require some self discipline. Actually, lots of it.

But what I can do, in the meantime, is leave the Kivailo world behind for one NaNoWriMo at least. I was going to do a fantasy parody again, like The Midget Knight and The Knight with the Red Umbrella had been – something that’s kind of Stranger than Fiction meets my old workplace meets random murder mystery meets nanoisms… I still love the idea, but I just wasn’t excited enough about it. I love coming up with random scenes for it, but when I imagine actually writing, it is with a feeling of vague distaste … kind of like writing an essay for school, something that doesn’t really interest me all that much.

So, something else for November, then. Fantasy without the parody part this time, we’ll see how well that goes. I usually have a problem with taking magic serious while writing it. But the magic in this story will be pretty low-key, and a system I haven’t seen or heard of before (the things my subconscious comes up with when I’m dreaming…) so I feel pretty confident that I will be able to write it with a straight face.

And I’m getting so excited about worldbuilding again. Having been stuck in the Kivailo world for so long, I didn’t get to do that for a couple of years. But now I need societies, religions, geography, languages – languages! I love making up languages!

The plot is still … not very well developed, and I only have two nameless and appearance-less characters, but then, I only decided on this story yesterday. At least I’m in love with the world, with the magic system, with the societies… One of them poses an interesting puzzle of “how do I make this work?” and the other has some interesting ideas on gender, which are reflected in their language and will rather confuse one of my main characters. And the other main character is confusing me, because I still don’t know if they’re going to be a boy or a girl… or a boy deciding to live as a girl, or a girl deciding to live as a boy… and that’s disregarding the fact that their language doesn’t even have words for “girl” or “boy”.

OK, actually the language doesn’t have a single word yet, because I haven’t made up any, but I know it won’t have those words.

Oh, making up that language will be so much fun!

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